What is stalling and how to avoid it.
The concept of stelsing was openly spoke in 2017, when the woman-law Alexander Brodsky published an article where she described the results of her research on this topic. It understood why this is happening that men and women think about it, how to consider a secret removal of a condom from the point of view of the law.
Work attracted the attention of American sociologists. They conducted their research, and according to the results it turned out that in the United States 12% of women 21-30 years old at least once in their lives came across stalls from a partner. Their Australian colleagues also interviewed men from homosexual couples. It turned out that 3 men and 5 women from 1189 respondents were subjected to the secret removal of condoms.
Stlaving – what is it?
Stealth is meant inconspicuous removal or rupture of the condom by a partner during sex, when consent was given only to protected sexual intercourse. As a result, sperm is inside a woman (men in homosexual pairs).
From English, Stealth translates as “secretive”, “imperceptibly”. A person getting rid of condom to ejaculation automatically violates the equality of sexual partners, considering his desires more important.
What is the basis of stealth
Many men who practic an inconspicuous getting rid of protection justify their actions by the fact that they want to completely feel all the feelings from sex. And in defense it is impossible.
According to lawyers, sociologists are no more than an excuse. The reason is hidden in male psychology. In fact, he feels like a manufacturer who has the right to sow his seed everywhere, even without the consent of a woman.
Many men justify this with a natural function characteristic of animals – the more females you are able to fertilize, the cooler you are. Through stelsing heterosexual men prove their dominant position, patriarchal way. They are convinced that women should give birth, so they must be fertilized regardless of their desire.
Such men should understand that a person differs from an animal consciousness. You cannot follow instincts, but it is necessary to show respect for the partner, take care of her health.
In homosexual pairs, such actions indicate disrespect for a partner and an attempt to dominate him in a relationship.
There are also cases when a woman tries to hold a man and secretly spoils (pierces) condoms to become pregnant.
What is the danger of stealth
Often women whose sexual partners secretly removed a condom before ejaculation do not know about this. This leads to undesirable pregnancies, the development of sexual diseases requiring serious treatment, since the girls do not consult a doctor in a timely manner due to the confidence that the man was protected and everything will be in order.
And if for the Stlasser himself everything can be limited only to health problems, the victim also has psychological problems. It all depends on the emotional stability and psychotype of a person.
Psychological consequences
Stealth is considered as an attempt by a man to belittle the dignity of a woman, making a decision on continuing the genus, monitoring her reproductive function.
If partners have confidence in each other, during sex they feel comfort and freedom. But if, at the end of sexual intercourse, a woman sees an empty condom, feels sperm inside herself, she realizes that there was a deception. Trust for a man is replaced by bitterness and hatred.
This affects the emotional state of a woman. She feels that she was betrayed, reacted disrespectfully, simply used her body. In people with a weak psychotype, neuroses, anxious states, obsessive thoughts about the repetition of such an incident can develop against this background. And also greatly affects the possible continuation of relations or their beginning with other people.
According to the statistics of research conducted by Australian sociologists, 4% of men and 9% of women who consider themselves pairs and consisting in sexual relations with men broke up after steaming. After that, they experienced significant difficulties in creating new relationships.
What can be done so as not to become a victim?
There is an erroneous opinion that men are engaged in stalling only in long and serious relationships in order to fertilize the partner or get real pleasure, without the sensation of the barrier. In fact, they do this with constant mistresses, and with those who were one -time meetings.
There are several options, how to protect yourself from such actions and maintain your health (physical and psychological):
- discuss the importance of protection during sex;
- Clearly discuss his own boundaries with a partner: if he does not agree to sex in a condom or forces an unprotected sexual intercourse, it is better to abandon intimacy;
- If there is no certainty that the man does not remove the cond during intimacy, additionally apply other protective equipment (on the advice of a doctor);
- Use condoms with a ribbed surface: they are better felt, so when it is removed by a man before the end of sexual intercourse, you can notice this;
- No matter how much you want to “lose your head from love”, be observant and trust your feelings. If you feel that something is wrong, spend a few seconds to check whether a condom is worn or not.
What to do if you are a victim
The victim, who finds himself in such a situation, often has a feeling of powerlessness. But there are several ways to protect yourself from the consequences of stealth:
Do not blame yourself
Many women begin to feel guilty, telling themselves that there was no need to agree to sex at all, or to be more attentive.
But this is not your fault. You agreed to protected sexual intercourse, and it was a partner’s choice to abandon the agreement, having removed the condom without your knowledge.
In addition, it is often impossible to immediately realize stability due to muffled light or posture (doggi-old), in which it is not visible whether the condom is worn on the penis. So do not blame yourself for insufficient observation.
Consult a doctor
The help of a specialist is necessary to reduce the risk of possible health consequences (testing for IPP/HIV, prevention of unwanted pregnancy).
Find support
A woman who has stelled, feels disappointed, upset, defenseless, anxiety, depression may occur. Instead of an independent experience of negative emotions, you should seek support to a loved one whom you trust, or a professional psychologist.
Stlaving is a crime?
The question is whether it is possible to consider stalling violence and hold men accountable for this, still remains controversial in society.
On the one hand, this is considered a violation of the rights and freedoms of those people in respect of whom it was used. But on the other hand, how to prove that the condom was taken intentionally, and did not slip himself?
It is almost impossible to legally establish this. But still in countries such as Canada, Sweden, Switzerland, Great Britain, New Zealand, there are already similar precedents and guilty were punished.
In any case, psychologists and lawyers argue that if you silence such facts, the steelsers will feel unpunished, continue their job, inciting other young guys. And the fault will be assigned to the victims, not criminals. In this case, the principle of “do not be silent!”.
Sex in a couple where partners respect each other should be by mutual agreement and on the agreed conditions (including the use of a condom). If the conditions are violated by one of the parties without the consent of the other, this can be considered violence.
Is it necessary to condemn stability?
Such actions are perceived by some as dangerous sexual practice, humiliation and fraud. And indeed it is. A person may have their own reasons why he agrees to sexual intercourse only with a condom. Stlaser secretly changes this contract, Considering yourself entitled to deceive, violate the sexual integrity and rights of a partner. He puts his desires first.
Stlaving must be condemned, since a person whose body enters sperm without his knowledge and consent, becomes a victim. Often he is not able to control the situation, so it is comparable to sexual violence.