Active consent in sex – what is it and why you need.
To ask and give consent is an important point before the start of any joint sexual activity. But not everyone fully understands what consent is and why it is needed. Someone even believes that this negatively affects the sexual mood. In this article we will tell you why it is important to get and use it in a relationship.
What is consent?
Sexual consent – This is an enthusiastic, clear and mutual agreement of partners to participate in sexual intercourse. For this, affirmative oral and non -verbal signals (body language) are used.
What words show consent:
- “Yes, I would love to do it with pleasure”;
- “Yeah!”;
- “Okay, let’s do it”
- “Certainly!”;
- “I’m sure)!”;
- “Don’t stop, go on …”;
- “I love it!”;
- “Yes Yes Yes!”.
What non -verbal signals show consent:
- nods;
- maintains direct visual contact;
- touches the body of the partner;
- Smile and laughter, etc. D.
But it is worth remembering that, unlike oral consent, non -verbal signals may differ in different people. If a partner can speak, it is better to get a verbal resolution on sexual affection from him.
What does disagreement look like sex
Oral refusal:
- “No!”;
- “I’m not sure)”;
- “Sorry, I’m not in the mood”;
- “Stop”;
- “I don’t want to do this anymore”;
- “Come on some other time”;
- “Please no longer need”;
- “I love you, but I don’t like doing it”.
Non -verbal signals indicating the disagreement of the partner:
- Silent;
- avoids visual contact;
- repels;
- does not want touch;
- shakes his head;
- does not respond to caresses and t. D.
If the partner demonstrates any of the listed signals, it is better to immediately stop your actions. This means that he does not want to have sex, so you respect this decision and do not insist on continuing.
Getting consent is necessary not only in order to make sure that all parties are satisfied with what is happening and want it. But also helps to understand and respect each other’s boundaries. Coercion to sexual intercourse is interpreted as violence and condemned by law. In addition, this can cause the victim to be an indelible psychological trauma. That is why consent is vital for each sexual interaction.
In the BDSM, consent is reached by detailed negotiations before the session (an oral or written agreement is concluded) and supports using a stop word until its end. This is due to the fact that practices are well extended by the personal boundaries of the participants and include actions that can be uncomfortable, painful or even dangerous. Consent can be withdrawn at any time of BDSM scenes or relationships.
Important moments about sexual consent
Obtaining consent leads to healthy sexual relations. Respecting the boundaries of the partner, you strengthen the trust that is between you.
Consent from the point of view of the law
If we consider consent from the legal side, then three points are taken into account:
- Only a person who has reached adulthood or at least the age of sexual consent (in different countries will have their own borders) has the right.
- Consent must be mutual, obtained without violence and moral pressure from another person.
- “Yes” only by sober. Consent is not considered valid if it was given in a state of alcohol or drug intoxication.
Consent must be given freely
As already said earlier, consent should be voluntary and complete enthusiasm. The use of pressure, threats, blackmail or manipulations to achieve yes from a person make this consent invalid, and in fact this is sexual coercion.
Consent is specific
Some people think that once hearing “yes”, they receive it forever and for all sexual actions at once. For example, the girl agrees only on a kiss, and the partner begins to undress her, touch her breasts or other intimate parts of the body. She repels him in response. It is necessary to obtain consent to each specific action: touch, oral affection, penetration, etc. P., so that there are no misunderstandings and resentment.
Consent can be withdrawn at any time
The error is also that, having agreed once to something, a person has no other way out, except to continue to do this, even if it is inconvenient or not like.
Everyone has the right to change his mind. As soon as a person refused (verbally or with gestures), sexual affection should be immediately stopped, and the partner must calmly relate to this decision.
Couples also consent to each other
Regardless of whether you began to meet or have long been together, it is still necessary to get consent as before. Constant relations do not mean that the partner should always be agreed to intimate. Therefore, if you want to have sex with him, do not immediately undress a partner. It is better to unobtrusively ask – is he against it/she “play” tonight.
If you or partner love spontaneous sex, unexpected hugs, kisses and touch, talk these moments in advance. So everyone will be pleased and personal boundaries will not be broken.
The reaction of the body is not equal to the agreement
Signs of excitation, such as an erection, vaginal lubrication and orgasm, can occur involuntarily. For this reason, physiological reactions are not considered consent. If the body is excited, but the person himself does not want, any actions are inconsistent and are considered sexual violence.
You cannot assume consent
Never allow, do not mean and do not know that you have someone’s sexual consent. Even if this person is your long -time partner, one cannot assume that he will say “yes” to sex now. The main thing is to ask first!
Consent is sexual
There is a popular opinion that the request for consent destroys the magic of sex and it becomes boring. But this is not so.
For example, schoolchildren and students from Holland, with whom they talked a lot about consent, said that the first sex left their pleasant impressions. While 66% of adolescents from the United States, unfamiliar with such a concept, in 2004 stated that it would be better if they were in no hurry and waited with this decision.
Consent is an important element of healthy sexual communication, and talking about it cannot affect an erotic mood. And some questions may not be uncomfortable, but very exciting. During the conversation, you can find new points of contact and intimate desires. For example, share with each other what poses like or what makes more.
Consent is important in the virtual space
Another misconception about consent is that it is required only during physical sex. But also having virtual sex, sexting, it is also necessary to get consent. You need to ask a partner – when it is convenient for him to do this, does he have a mood, etc. D.
Give and ask for consent in unbearable actions
It is also important to receive consent for action without sexual subtext. If you want to hug or touch someone, ask if it is possible to do it. People do not like when unceremoniously violate their personal space.
Consent sex is always beautiful. Only with mutual desire, partners will be able to experience pleasure from the process. Ignoring the requests and mood of a loved one, you can hurt him both physically and morally. Be careful, affectionate, and then intimacy will give you two only pleasant impressions.