Postcotic dysphoria: why are you sad and crying after sex?.
It would seem that you just had amazing sex with your loved one, but for some reason, euphoria is replaced by sadness. And you do not understand why you want to cry, because a minute ago everything was fine, and now what to do with it? Let’s figure it out.
What is postcoiteal dysphoria
The emergence of such sensations as apathy, resentment, irritability, anxiety, anxiety, and even aggressiveness, after sex is characteristic of a state called Postcoital dysphoria or postcoithic tricos (from French. tristesse – sadness). These feelings can last from several minutes to several hours, or even days.
Almost every person, regardless of gender and sexual orientation, may experience postcoithic dysphoria (PKD). Scientists conducted two studies:
- In the first, 230 women were interviewed, and 46% of the participants said that at least once in their life they observed the manifestations of the PKD;
- In the second of 1208 men, 41% said that he had a similar state.
Which causes postcoid dysphoria
Scientists cannot name the exact reasons causing the PKD, but have identified several basic factors that can also be united by each other:
Hormones. During excitation and orgasm in the blood, the level of “hormones of happiness” – oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins, serotonin increases. After the climax, a sharp fall occurs, which can lead to sadness and tears.
Guilt. Some people have sex under the influence of emotional or hormonal impulses, and then they feel regret that they did this in the wrong place or not with that partner.
Due to problems in relations. Often unpleasant sensations after proximity arise if a person tries to save the relationship with sex or take them to a new level.
Dissatisfaction with your body. Not only experiences about its appearance during sex, but also the concern that the partner thinks about it can lead to a negative postcoital reaction.
Sex like a trigger. If in the past a person has experienced sexual injury, regardless of whether it was eliminated or not, intimate contacts can cause a negative reaction.
Rare sex. Sadness can arise due to the understanding that this intimacy could be the last for a long time.
A feeling of shame. Sexuality is still a forbidden topic for discussion in religion, culture, society, family. Because of this, a person may experience shame after sex for various reasons: what he likes to do, or because of a certain type, for example, anal or BDSM of practice, etc. D.
Lack of subsequent care. The practice of caring after sex suggests the implementation of certain rituals with a partner, for example, to lie in an embrace, take a shower, or drink tea. This is a kind of signal that you are not indifferent to another person. If there was no such stage at the end of proximity, there is a chance of the occurrence of PKD.
How to deal with postcoithic dysphoria
There are several ways that will help to overcome the feeling of sadness after sex:
The practice of awareness
It includes the performance of breathing exercises, yoga and light stretching so that you can better understand the needs and sensations of your body.
How to perform:
- take a convenient position;
- Practice diaphragmatic breathing (5 seconds inhale, 5 seconds exhale) for several minutes;
- Pay attention to what is happening inside your body at this moment;
- Determine what sensations you experience;
- Ask yourself a question – what do you need at this particular moment?
In addition, you can use any methods of self -control, for example, draw, take a relaxing bath, etc. D., to cope with negative emotions.
Do not avoid emotions
Often, when a person experiences unpleasant emotions, he intuitively tries to avoid or ignore them, but in the long run it does not help. Psychologists offer to “go towards” their sensations, to accept them to cope with faster and easier. For example, you can keep a sexual diary in which to describe in detail the feelings experienced during or after sexual intercourse.
How to talk about PKD with a partner
Avoid communication with your loved one, it is natural when you are sad after sex. In fact, to share with your other feelings can be very useful for overcoming negative emotions.
Openly tell the partner about what you go through is the opportunity to become closer to each other, and it is better to realize the connection between the mind and the body during intimacy.
Psychologists recommend explaining to the partner that sex is not necessarily anxiety or sadness. You can truly feel pleasure and physical satisfaction during intercourse, but notice the sudden surge of unpleasant emotions after it, which may have nothing to do with your relationship or the quality of sex.
Agree with your partner to apply the practice of subsequent care. In addition to hugs and a joint shower, you can also watch a movie together or listen to soothing music.
You can also jointly discuss what is proximity to you and how it looks like. For example, these can be regular dates, joint reading of books or a walk together before going to bed.
Do you need the help of a specialist?
If postcoital dysphoria occurs from time to time, you should not worry. Each person has natural fluctuations in sexual and emotional states.
However, if you regularly experience a feeling of sadness after sex or it lasts for several days or weeks, it is better to seek help from a psychotherapist or sexologist. This is especially important if there was a sexual trauma in the past, since it can have protracted psychosomatic effects if they have not been worked out.
It is also worth visiting a specialist if the PKD has a negative impact on your relationship and intimate life. It is difficult for many people to talk about sex as a whole, and even more so when some problems arise. And someone from the couple can even accept this on his own account, even if there is no guilt in this. The therapist can help establish communication and develop an action after sex, which will contribute to the rapprochement of partners.